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Jon Gosselin just won’t go away.

Recently we mentioned how the idiot wrote a “contract” with his former whore fling Kate Major to make her his personal assistant and she’d get a percentage of his profits.

This, of course, was while he was still under contract with TLC.

And lately Kate’s been considering suing the douche for breach of contract (hah, ironic), fraud, and loss of wages.

But John’s not scared. According to his attorney, Mark Heller, they think the whole thing is laughable.

Heller reveals, “Kate knows Jon Gosselin is like Obama’s stimulus package. Every time she needs money, she cashes in on the few days she knew Jon Gosselin.”

Preach it!

Heller also confirmed that the signed agreement between Jon and Kate is real, but added that it doesn’t hold much legal value.

Says Heller:

“It holds as much order as a six-inch pail with a nine-inch hole. It will not serve for the basis of any litigation. Anybody who would seek to file a lawsuit based on that document would be sanctioned. Her lawyer was very cautious in his language when he said ‘possible’ [breach of contract lawsuit]. Clearly he has no options concerning that matter.”

Sounds like Jon might have just written that note up to get some ass.

Desperate!

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JON GOSSELIN SEX TAPE & COKE SHOCKING NEW ALLEGATIONS

New bombshell allegations that  may cost Jon Gosselin his legal war with TLC AND custody of his beloved children as well!

Jon Gosselin’s day in court could end with him losing his children – due to a sex tape scandal and allegations of cocaine use!

Jon’s bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched Jon’s secret sex tape!

“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape!” said Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s former flame and family nanny.

“Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him.

“He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”

As The ENQUIRER previously reported,  sources say Jon’s on-off GF Hailey Glassman sold and used cocaine while in college.

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Jon Gosselin has set himself upon the road to redemption and hopes to set the record straight about his relationships and reputation.

During a public dialogue Sunday night with celebrity Rabbi Shmuley Boteach at New York City’s West Side Jewish Center, the reality star, 32, said, “I think I’m just misunderstood. I’m not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don’t sing. I don’t dance. I’m not a Nobel Peace Prize winner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC.”

Dressed in a formal black suit and without his trademark CZ earrings, Gosselin openly discussed the reasons for the dissolution of his marriage with Kate Gosselin and how he became intoxicated by celebrity.

Without being anymore specific than admitting he’s been photographed in nightclubs, Gosselin acknowledged his recent bad behavior. “Half the stuff I’ve done, if I look at my moral compass, I shouldn’t have done,” he said. “I know that but I did it anyway. It’s like fame canceled out conviction.”

Part of Gosselin’s attempt to make amends includes apologizing to his former Jon & Kate Plus 8 costar.

The reality TV tale about raising eight children turns into a tabloid nightmare for the couple from Pennsylvania.

“I want to apologize to Kate in private,” he said. “I’ll apologize to her for openly having relationships in the public eye. That was a huge mistake, because if she would’ve done that to me, I would have been extremely pissed off. Not because our relationship is over, it’s almost like a stab in the back. And now that I think about it, it was a very wrong thing to do. I definitely regret it.”

Referring to himself and girlfriend Hailey Glassman, he said the two of them “should never have gone to France.”

Gosselin claims he is well aware of the public’s perception of him but insists he is his own harshest critic. “It’s hard for me because I can’t forgive myself for the things I’ve done,” he said. “So to ask for forgiveness from someone who may never forgive me is tough for me. I do apologize to Kate. I’m sorry for doing the things I did. I do ask for her forgiveness.”

Despite rumors that Gosselin was set to announce his breakup from Glassman, 22, Gosselin said they are merely applying the brakes to their relationship.

“We decided not to take a break, just slow things down, until I get through my divorce and I know everything is settled and okay. I don’t want another failure in my relationships. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with Kate, with Hailey. I would just be repeating the pattern over again,” he said.

The new status of the duo’s relationship comes on the heels of Glassman’s highly charged interview with TV’s The Insider in which she claimed Gosselin was emotionally abusive and threw “mantrums.” Gosselin claims there are no hard feelings, despite the harsh criticism and claims that he was in fact, proud of her honesty.

According to Gosselin, “I was standing right there [at The Insider]. Mike [Gosselin's manager] was standing right there. He was looking at me like, ‘Oh my god, what is she saying?’ He’s looking at my career going down the tubes and I’m thinking, ‘Good for her, she got all of this out.’ ”

He added, “I have to be accountable for my actions. Maybe she used the wrong terminology, but she’s 22, that’s what she knew. Those are the words and that’s how she felt.”

In a lengthy statement to ET, Jon also said of Glassman: “I will forever love Hailey. I see how all this has truly hurt her. She has not been happy and hates the media light that she has been put in. She is in no way a homewrecker.”

The statement also reads, “Hailey says she thinks it’s a good idea that we both take some time right now and focus on each of our individual lives. It is important for me to go back to Pennsylvania and be with my children and get through this divorce and decide what I truly want out of life. I do love her and care deeply. She has made me realize I can love myself and just need to be more honest. I am taking things day by day.”

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As Jon Gosselin told a national TV audience he wanted to “work things out” with his estranged wife, Kate, the reality show dad was secretly emptying out their joint bank account.

RadarOnline.com reports that Jon, 32, withdrew hundreds of thousands of dollars out of the couple’s joint account, leaving her with only $1,000.

“I just looked in the mirror and I said, ‘I don’t want to be this person anymore,’” Jon said during his Thursday night appearance on “Larry King Live.” “I made mistakes. I know I messed up. I do regret a lot of things. But I have to learn from those mistakes and move forward.”

Apparently Jon didn’t learn much as his recent actions were in violation of the Gosselin divorce arbitrator’s guidelines. A second bank account set up for the Gosselin children was reportedly untouched.

Upon learning what happened, Kate hired high-powered lawyer, Marty Singer, who is requesting a judge to hold Jon in contempt of court for emptying out a reported $200,000 from their account, RadarOnline.com reports.

“If the money is not immediately returned, we will be looking into potential claims against Mr. Heller if he had any involvement with the violation of the court order,” said Singer. “It is very disappointing that Jon Gosselin has escalated this to such an ugly place that her lawyers have to do everything they can to protect her and her children from his outrageous actions.”

A separate lawyer for the 34-year-old octomom is said to be going to a Pennsylvania court Monday to file papers requesting the money be returned.

As for Jon’s lawyer, Mike Heller, he had an odd choice of words for Kate’s attorney, Mark Momjian, on Larry King Live.

“(Your) focus seems to be money, seems to be the show going on,” he said. “This man (Jon) doesn’t care about the money.”

However, it is the money that has taken the couple’s bitter divorce one dramatic step further.

Days after TLC announced the re-launch of “Kate Plus 8,” Jon had his attorneys send letters to the network stating that all production and filming crews were banned from the family’s Wernersville, Penn. home.

In return, the network suspended the show’s production and released a statement saying they were sick of Jon’s “erratic behavior.”

“We are aware of Jon Gosselin’s recent statements, and remain deeply disappointed at his continued erratic behavior,” reads the statement, released by TLC. “His latest comments are grossly inaccurate, without merit and are clearly opportunistic.”

Kate will appear on NBC’s “Today Show” Monday morning in an appearance with host Meredith Vieira that was scheduled before the latest divorce bombshell.